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Everything you did and did not want to know about what I see and think.

It's Too Early For Math
Posted Saturday, May 9th, 2009 by James Kitchens

“I don't believe in mathematics.”
--- Albert Einstein

As many of you know, one of my many peeves (note the spelling, Gatore) is the way weekday drivers drive here in Northern Illinois. But I'm not here to talk about that in this blogpost. I know........shocking. I'm not going to talk about how slow the old people drive, or how many people can not obey the "Stop here on red light" signs because they are too important since they are talking on their iPhone. Nope, not gonna talk about that.

Today, I am going to talk about math. To understand the forthcoming story, you have to understand that I like math. I really do. Math is good. Math is our friend. Math is the international language of love. Or maybe that's music, I forget. Regardless, I do like math.

Now, there is one caveat in all this "MathLove". It involves our alarm clock. And the fact that my wife sets the damn clock 8 minutes fast. I assume that the theory is that you are fooling yourself into getting up earlier. But in reality, what you end up with is a needless series of basic addition and subtraction equations at some ungodly early morning hour. And did I mention that she hits the snooze at least twice anyway? So while I do love math in general, I do not love math at 3:04am when I have to remember whether the clock is set ahead 8 minutes or 9 minutes or 10 minutes or.... Because then I have to guess what the time is. Ultimately, I just get frustrated enough to not be able to fall back asleep.

To be sure, there is another school of thought on this subject --- "It really doesn't matter what time it is at 3am. The real time is 'Time to go back to sleep'." And that's true. But when I look at the clocks in the house, I find that ALL OF THEM are set to different times. That's right, no two of our clocks have the same time in this house.

No matter how many times I fail to go back to sleep. Or look at different clocks in the same room that have different times. Or how many times I am forced to do needless addition and subtraction during the early morning hours. Or..... No matter how many of these things I have to do, I will never ever understand the utility behind this practice. If you want to fool yourself into getting up on time by fooling yourself into thinking it's 8 minutes later than it really is, then how about this idea --- get up at the time you want and skip the early morning math test. But maybe I'm alone in this thought that a pop math quiz at 3:04am is senseless.