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Everything you did and did not want to know about what I see and think.

He's A Superfreak
Posted Tuesday, March 17th, 2009 by James Kitchens

Normally, I hate the use of the word "freak". My wife quite often says "It freaks me out". And I really don't like that. However, in this case, the fellow I am about to meet for the first time makes use of this word in his forum name (Thickfreakness). And since Mr. Chadwell is appreciably larger than I am (who isn't really?), I am in no position to mention my aversion to this word. So, please don't mention this blogpost to him. Thanks.

Now, I've heard the rumors that Mr. Chadwell is rather.......tall. Like freakishly tall. Not sure if he has "carny folk" in his family, but the pictures I've seen show him either hunched over to get back down to normal size or just standing and being that tall. I think I'm a shade over 3'6" with high heels (allegedly, I was never convicted). So I suspect I might be able to jump up and kick Mr. Chadwell in the ankle when he gets here.

Another possible tactic I have devised is that I might take a surprise attack and jump him when he arrives from the second "floor" of my daughter's playset. That might get me up to his shoulders. If I jump up from there....

In all seriosuness, most of us know that Mr. Chadwell is on his own Tour De Midwest right now. He's making a guest appearance in Chicago on his way to better beer hunting grounds in Grand Rapids, MI and Kalamazoo, MI and beyond. Such is the reality that we have so little quality beer here in Chicago. It is our curse. I just hope the Minnesotans and Madisonites didn't spoil him before he gets here. Otherwise, I might have one bummed out giant on my hands.

No matter. Because his time here is limited, I think we'll only have time to take a tour of the South Loop Binny's and a quick dinner before he heads to greener pastures in Flossmoor, IL and Munster, IN. Can't blame him really.

Uh oh, I just got a text he's getting close..... Better get into position. Oh wait, never mind, he's here..... And jesus he's tall. He better duck so he doesn't hit his head on the trees out front. If you guys don't hear from me later tonight, then just assume that I failed in my mission to appease the gentle giant that approaches as I type. And pray for me.