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Everything you did and did not want to know about what I see and think.

From Jackrabbit to Jackass
Posted Wednesday, March 4th, 2009 by James Kitchens

Here he comes JA
Here comes Speed Racer
He's a demon on wheels
He's a demon and he's gonna be chasin' after someone.

He's gainin' on you so you better look alive.
He's busy revvin' up his powerful Mach 5.

And when the odds are against him
And there's dangerous work to do
You bet your life Speed Racer
Will see it through.

Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer, Go!

He's off and flyin' as he guns the car around the track
He's jammin' down the pedal like he's never comin' back
Adventure's waitin' just ahead.

Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer, Go!

--- Speed Racer theme song

I can't believe it's March already, and I have not even posted ONE TIME in 2009. That is simply irresponsible on my part. Although, for the record, I did not get even one piece of hate email threatening me for my deliquency. Such is the life of us struggling arteests. That's French for "artist". Or "idiot". I forget which one.

The theme of this post, however, is not to malign myself for my lack of posting. The title above is meant to highlight another of my many pet peeves (notice the correct spelling, Gator). I was sitting at a stop light this morning, one which had the train tracks crossing right in font of you if you are the first car in line. I was the first car in line to go straight at the light. A car pulls up beside me, in the left turn lane. A nice and clean, relatively new BMW 328i. Nice leather interior, black I think. I could almost smell that new car smell. In this car was a man, I'd say 40s-ish. Now, this man was clearly an important person. After all, he was on his iPhone. Talking about some extremely important worldly business, or some other high-level decision making.

Something obviously well above my level of comprehension. I know this because of his car. Now, understand that I can appreciate a nice car. We have an Audi A4. It's a 2000 model year, so it's not new. But I can still appreciate German engineering, and the attention to detail. So I know that those Germans think of everything. Including the utterly nonsensical cost of things like a wireless car lock/key receiver that is apparently in the trunk and costs over $900 to fix, possibly plus labor (not sure). But I digress.....

Now, the thing that really caught my eye about this obviously important man in the nice and clean BMW 328i, was not in fact the car or the iPhone. It was the fact that he kept creeping up onto the train tracks. So he was clearly an important man, on an important phone call making important high-level decisions and driving an important and clean new car. And he had places to be and no time to wait the extra two minutes at the stop light. So on he crept. At first, he only crept past the big white line you are supposed to stop at for the light. Then he was past that line. Then literally onto the tracks. And crept up a little more. A not-so-small part of me wanted a train to come along, if only to have the train gates fall on the top of his car. Hilarity would have ensued. Although, I was hoping it would come from the right, which meant it would stop at the Wilmette Metra train station BEFORE slamming into the front of his car, which was about 1-2 feet onto the tracks. I would have assumed that he would simply pull through the tracks to avoid that fate, but then again his attention was obviously distracted by the high-level decision making he was involved in at the time. So I'm not sure.

That was the Jackrabbit part of the title. He kept popping forward in small but somewhat rapid fashion. As far as the Jackass part.......well, when the light finally changed, he sat there. Just sat there. Long enough for the car behind him to honk at him. Not once, but twice. And as I pulled all the way through the intersection, he was still sitting there. Maybe he thought a predator was after him, and if he froze like a rabbit, then they might not see him. Until they get too close. Then he can start creeping back into the intersection. Then again, maybe at that VERY MOMENT he was actually solving our banking problems in this country. Or figuring out a way for Obama to actually cut the deficit within four years. Or any number of other high-level problems that are well beyond the unwashed masses like you and me. I am anxiously awaiting the next press conference for Obama, Geithner or Ben Bernanke. I assume the self-important guy next to me at that light will be right up there on stage with them.