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Where's My Parrot Hat? - April 2010 Archives

Lychee: What the #### is it and how the #### do you know what it tastes like?
Posted Thursday, April 8th, 2010 by cjsell

While I was looking at some reviews for an IPA the other night I came across a word that left me all sorts of confused.  Lychee.  I had to google it to figure out if it was another one of those beer descriptions that goes right over my head.     It was not.  It's a member of the soapberry family that is found primarily in Asia, Southern Africa, and Mexicio.  This is it.

This got be thinking about some of the ridiculous stuff people put in reviews.  I will admit I don't have the best palate when it comes to... well anything really, but YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!! .  



What's the point of writing a review that means absolutely nothing to 99% of the people who will read it?  Here are a few of my favorite mind-numbing descriptions I've come across recently.



  • The fruity hop components still play a big role in the flavor though, as they contribute clean notes of lychee, kumquat skin and a nicely fruity citrus component.


- Oh my, how I love the taste of kumquat skin!


  • Bright lychee, ample bergamot, clean tangelo, kumquat oil and some clean apricot aromas define the dominant hop fruit notes.


- I know what tangelo and apricot taste like.  I've never had a dirty apricot so I'm glad this tastes like a clean one.


  • The aroma is at first cidery, but then becomes musty and woody with spicy notes of orange peel, ginger, lemon, as well as hints of cobwebs, acetic of lychee, kumquat skin and a nicely fruity citrus component.


- What the fuck do cobwebs smell like?


  • The aroma smells quite fruity as I pour this beer into my glass; notes of sweet plums, raisins, some definite fig notes, and a distinct fruity note that reminds me of something like quince paste. 


- Quince paste: that just sounds really untasty, and another word that had to be googled 


I'm not trying to call anybody out, but had to vent on one of my biggest pet peaves.  Feel free to ambush me with comments of how dumb I am.





Parrot Hats- Fasion Statement or Faux Pas?
Posted Wednesday, March 31st, 2010 by cjsell

I've been wondering for a while now why the Parrot Hat hasn't become more of a pop-culture icon.  Is it due to it's lack of durability?  I think not.  The styrofoam pieces fall out of their slots so easily it's nearly impossible to tear the fine material.  The elastic band which provides its amazing tight-fit comfort will stretch to fit even the largest of all giant heads.  Is it the outrageous $0.99 price tag keeping the Hollywood bigwigs from sporting one of these bad boys?  Doubtful.  


The only possibility that comes to mind is they don't realize the functionality of this amazing cranium concealer.  As shown below it provides warmth, is headlamp adaptable, and really highlights a nice molest stache.  One day, the Parrot Hat will take off.  When that time comes just remember, don't look directly into the dog's ass.


Parrot Hats FTW