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Kill All the Golfers by B. Nektar Meadery
Mead
6.00 % ABV

I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted
even myself. My enemy, my foe, is a
human. In order to conquer the human, I
have to learn to think like a human.
And, whenever possible, to look like
one. I've gotta get inside this guy's
skin and crawl around for a few days.
Who's the golfer’s ally? His friends.
The harmless greenskeeper and the
friendly caddy. A varmint will never
quit - ever. So you have to fall back on
superior intelligence and superior
firepower. And that's all she wrote.

Messing with them is like zen, man. It's
the reason we get up before the sun even
shows its face. It's our game - a ruined
fairway here, a twisted ankle there. All
designed to get that silly groundskeeper
into a strappy shirt at the funny farm.
But the real moment - this is the good
stuff, so listen close - is that one
perfect dig. The one that sits hidden on
the green, right next to the cup. You
dig that hole juuuuuuust right, and that
poor shmuck golfer never knows where his
ball went.

It takes guts to dig that hole. Great
big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts. A
varmint needs a good drink if he wants
to play for keeps, and this is the one.
We start with Tallow honey, of course,
the Nektar of the gods. Add in a slice
of Four Seasons lemon juice. We give the
drink some loft with South Indian black
tea, off the luckiest tea trees. Tell
you what, my fellow varmint: with this
drink cooling our furry brows, those
stupid caddies in their dumb shack won't
know what hit 'em.

Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A
former meadmaker, now, about to become
the Mazer champion. It looks like a
mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the
hole!!!! 

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